broken
i am born under the Aries sign - and Arians are known to be fiery, and a leader... passionate but rebellious... caring but realistic.
tonite i'm broken.
i failed to listen to the "No" uttered, and carried on with my plans with my friends. that wasn't quite being disrespectful. I was simply stubborn. I thought, disrespectful will be apt to use if i argue and scream @ the person, on top of not listening. But i did inform abt my plans, and i did invite. maybe it was wrong timing as well as it wasn't the best of nights for had to attend to a family member... but i think i was just being stubborn (and maybe just slightly selfish).
i think as a partner, i have, despite my flaws, been there to support - both emotional and financial. I was there when no one cared and been the biggest fan. but tonight i was deemed as being worse than 'stupid', being called "nothing but trouble" and having "done nothing good". i was broken. and insulted.
i m sorry abt tonight. i truly am. but it is truly not often that I was adamant on my decision to be out with my friends. I had fun. yes. i admit it. but i deserve it, despite whatever was said. Most times i often let my friends down because my priority is to the other. Ask me why i don't talk to those ppl anymore, and i just say "just bcos i don wan to". Actually, i stay away and cut down on the no of frens so that i have more time for you. but well...
lately i have been very forgetful. it is evident. i can forget where my mobile is barely seconds after using it. and superbly tired. i was very tired last night. i slept. and i was said to be "talking to someone else". why is it that i cannot be tired/busy/sleepy but others can? or am i the gullible one who believes easily?
i think it's just me. no matter how much i give in to my relationships, i am often the one who will be left. i am the one who will be broken. 1 partner got taken away by some bimbo, the other i thought is great was actually attached, or i just am not perfect enough.
maybe cos of my not-so-present-butt... or that i am fat now. oh well... just me.. very flawed.
but at least i did not spew vulgarities. i wasn't rude. and i m proud of myself.
i am meant to be alone. and i will cope with that.
@ 26, i just want to be helpless and depend on someone financially and emotionally... but i guess i have to remain the way i am... rely on myself and be optimistic and provide for myself. i guess its status quo.
watever it is, it has happened. but at least i did have fun earlier. cathartic. and i needed it.
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