quakedown, breakdown

when i read reports of the quake in Taiwan, i was so unaffected... first cos this is the first time i heard of it, and second cos it's far, unlike Indonesia or the Philippines.

But little did i know that the earthquake wld actually disrupt the one thing I (and most of us) am most dependent of - the WWW.

and the boyfriend broke up with me... citing differences and how i'm drifting apart. i am too numb to comment and complain abt what he said, for now...

so anyway along with broken cable lines, my heart was shattered too. everything's down. how convenient, eh?

durian overload

the other day, me and the wonderful colleagues of TNM station were craving for durian... and how delectable it will be... esp for such cold weather... but i gotta go back and can't hang out with them so they did not get the fruit la...

and then, ystdy went out with mom and sister and family and we got a bargain for the fruit! a whole basket of fat, juicy ones for just $20! and they are cheap and good!!

and so after feasting on them, and getting (more than) enough heat to keep me warm at night, mom made jam-like stuff with them. Yummy! And, i did not forget the bros at TNM so i packed and despatched it over! haha!

now, talking about it makes me drool.. i wanna go home so i can eat the juicy flesh of the fruit before anyone else gets the good ones!

p/s: momma will surely make all things durian... kueh, bubur etc etc

reflect and act

I love Christmas.. all the lights, the joy, the shopping madness in urban,no-snow Singapore...

anyway, remembered the poem below and i felt it is apt esp. for the season of giving, and sharing... and it never fails to move me.

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others."

This poem is quoted from "Audrey Hepburn" by Barry Paris (1996, Putman). She read it to children for inspiration

Get inspired all. Have a great Christmas, may it be a good start to a blessed new year!

losing yourself

ystdy the boyfriend told me: "if/when we get married, pls remember yourself. I don't want you to lose yourself... cos' i watched Lance Armstrong's ex-wife tell her story on Oprah and it struck a chord on me... so pls remember that."

ok. i was shocked. One, cos he watched Oprah and w/o embarassment, admitted it. Two, that a woman's tale wld touch him. Ok.. i noe he is not a chauvinist, but i never thot this burly boyfriend of mine could be sensitive. Praise to God! Three, that it was a great reminder.

Many a time, when women esp. mothers are interviewed and asked what is their achievement, or what they enjoy out of their lives, it will always be that their children grow up healthy, be successful, that the husband is doing well and the house is in perfect order etc etc... Never that she is proud of her own success, purely hers.

Well, we are made to be the unselfish one... putting others before thyself. And what the boyfriend mentioned is correct. Have your me-time, go do what you enjoy doing, without neglecting the family. Juggle but balance well. Never lose yourself. Be who you are and better... The marriage is supposed to be a bonus, not a burden. And that, I will bear in mind.

Which brings me to my dearest sisters.

My elder one, me not worried for she has always had a firm mind. And will get things done her way.. well, most of the time. I have seen her sacrificed and compromised, but i realised she has not lost herself, her sense of humor, her mindset.

But my eldest one, just 2 months into her marriage (and actually before that we have seen apparent changes in her) she is losing herself. Not totally. Not yet. But at quite a quick pace. Scary.

Read her blog and you will know.

Having a husband who is so bent on having his way... a husband whom i all along knew isn't quite grown-up yet.. a husband whose family background is different, weird different and imposing. A husband who stifles his wife. A husband who makes caustic, insensitive remarks. When just 2 months into the marriage, he already expressed doubts. (Just eat the food at home. There is never a time to be picky. It's food from God via my momma's hands. Rezeki. ) That is tough. And she is quickly losing herself.

There is a difference between compromising and being meek. Compromise means it's a win-win situation for both. Meek is when u just shrug, grit your teeth and smile. It is true that saying sorry doesn't always mean you are wrong, and it often means you are the bigger person. But having to apologise everytime for something not your fault, and not having somebody at least understand your point of view, that is wrong. We can tame the chauvinist... just squeeze in sarcasm and your concrete argument with a saccharine smile.

well, i'm sure she (and you) will think i know nothing for i am not married yet, and i dunno what goes on behind closed doors. I agree. But i know that when my sister goes to bed crying and wakes up all down and with puffy eyes, that is wrong. When i see her so listless, until her movements are now near-mechanical. Robotic. That is so wrong.

To my sisters, i send you all my love and prayers. While I may always seem to be indifferent, i do feel for you. I am here for you. Anytime.

To my "new" brother-in-law especially. Grow Up! Men are always behind the women in terms of the mind and soul, and you being younger, so pls hasten the brain. And reflect. And pls, while Muslim marriage is patriarchal, I believe God decreed to respect the wife, respect the womenfolk. Never mistreat... in whatever form. Leaving a wife to fend for herself for 40days (or there about) is a sin. "Leaving" here is not to be taken literally. Go figure.

And so i will take this into mind. I love my family. I love the boyfriend for highlighting this.

p/s: I am no feminist. While i don't believe I shld take the shoes off my husband, i do believe that men and women are never equal, but in fact they complement each other.

jewellery addict

realised it's been a while since i got myself some jewellery/accessories to adorn myself. and so i went shopping.

bought myself these!!

(and of cos got my sis her M.A.C espresso eyeshadow).

now, for the longchamp bag. haha! hello malls... I AM BACK!

p/s: wish me luck for my interview!

wondrous chocolate

i am not a chocoholic... although the muddy mud pie from coffee club does wonders to my nerves... hmmmm...

but today, i think i'm a convert.

today's weather is so chill-out... the december, sombre, grey skies, stay-at-home weather. had a gd lunch and a fantastic cup of hot choc with marshmallows. sheer pleasure. i was stoned by the time lunch ended. and the hot choc just brought me a notch higher. HIGH.

so, bring me a plateful of juicy strawberries, warm choc, hot choc w/ marshies... and i'm yours.

i need to attend chocoholics anonymos club. but then, that mite turn out to be an orgy. *winkz*

another meme... another boring day

I love memes, especially since I am free at work...

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
“Since I’ve been implementing Greg’s handy-dandy “he’s just not that into you” philosophy, I’ve been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. … … …” From “He’s Not That Into You”

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
If I can penetrate through the glass window, I will touch the dry “corpse” of the black spider at the parapet… though I wish it’s something else… like the boyfriend.

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
Secret Bible – The Knights Templar. On National Geographic.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
9:00am. Super sleepy. It's actually only 9:07am. *darn! Secretly wished it’s 10*

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
Jean & Rod on Class 95FM. And some colleagues shouting over their cubicles.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
45 minutes ago. Dragging my feet to work.

7. What are you wearing?
Today in sombre mood. In rare dark look of grey, black pants, black flats. I lurve colours, but not today. Today – very sleepy.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
Nope. Zonked out.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
Last night. Had a stupid conversation with the boyfriend. (love him! *gushing*)

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?
Nothing. Plain wall… cream paint. BORING.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
Not that I can think of right now.

12. What do you think about this meme?
Good. At least I have something to do. Haha!

13. What’s the last film you saw?
Animated movie rather – Happy Feet.

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Pay off credit card bill, pay off car loan, get car for dad, pay for my degree, get place to run business, give to parents so they can retire, send Amie and Hady to good pre-schools, buy the Coach bag. Get married. Invest. eh! i need a house to live in too (Ferraria Park, here i come!)... lurve this qn cos it lets me dream and aim to achieve!

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
My hands are crooked. Joints aren’t done right. God must have been interrupted. But it’s ok though I can’t do heavy lifting… (not that i am complaining)

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
Global warming.

17. Do you like to dance?
Yup! Who doesn’t?!

18. George Bush?
Worst President in modern history (or the millenium, at least).

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
Florentina Aadila (after teh beautiful city) & Salauddin Aadil (after the great warrior: صلاح الدين الأيوبي, the boyfriend wanted it)

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yup.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
That I deserve this. Go do anything.

22. Who should do this meme?
Anyone, especially those with time on their hands (like me!). Take time off from work/study la!

to the boyfriend...

i noe that the stewardess is cute. and that her wrkplace is just 5mins away from urs. so if u wanna be nice and give her a ride, go ahead. i am chill. but when i asked wat will you do if she starts being touchy and you said you will reject her... i saw that face. the face. the "nope. i will do exactly opposite wat i just said" look. hmmmm...

anyway, despite the imaginative nitemare i have abt "the thing" being there at the beautiful home of Ferraria Park, I lurve it too. i see myself in the house. baking cookies. making you a delectable, to-die-for dinner. and although i want to be a successful career woman, i don't mind being a homemaker (cos i read this lady's blog) so pls... wrk hard. earn more. always.

may God shower us with his blessings, his patience and reward us with a sprinkling of cash, every now and then.

cos u are my best fren too.

p/s: i love you and i trust you. and rmbr that i can always do worse, even if it's just to spite u. *devillish grinz*

sleepy no more

so me the sleepyhead got quite woken up by something eventful (eventful to me, the newbie, but not to the others) another (not-yet) death by train... and of all days, on my shift. *shakes head*

i'm not quite perturbed by the whole thing anymore... so now feeling quite upbeat and back to childhood days...

i'm funshine carebear! (ya ya.. i noe.. lame-o! but heck la!)

standing on my own two feet *doubt*

ok.. the boyfriend is right. Ferraria Park is utterly gorgeous!

went to view the showflats ystdy (with mom and fahmie). it is BEAUTIFUL!

and so, i waltzed from room to room, and gosh! i started to feel the tai-tai air arnd me... sipping tea in the afternoon, enjoying the breeze, tanning in my own space... u noe.. the whole affair.. until *poof* the dream went bust after speaking to the agent and banker.

at $500K for a 3-bedroom, it is quite "cheap" but with our financial status and the boyfriend's liabilities, we will be paying over $1K per month, on top of the $24K cash downpayment until its TOP in mid-2009. we will be paying through our a*se and pores man!!!!

so mom and dad, pls.. can i still stay under ur roof for like.. the rest of my life.. pls??!! or i will just set up home in the field across la... *sad*

faith and religion...

ok.. it's a fine line between faith and religion so since i am unable to define either, i'll just proceed.
ystdy, the boyfriend was quite chatty... super chatty mode and in the debate-with-the girlfren mode.

ok... the boyfriend is not super religious to begin with and he chanced upon this book(preaching) on sufism. and he is so fascinated, if not, convinced by what was written.

wen u are not religious, or u refuse to abide by the teachings of the religion, one will tend to question the relevance of the teaching. well, the layman us, have questioned, especially when it comes to restrictions eg. cannot drink, cannot have premarital sex, cannot this cannot that... but do understand why such restrictions were implemented. restrictions are like guard posts... they hinder you (usually) from the vices. with restrictions, come knowledge and when one knows better, one will do better. definitely.

take sex for example. sex may be pure exhilaration but see what it does? the irresponsibility and cruelty of men surfaced. the alarming abortion rates, the prostitution, AIDS etc etc... now you get His point?

and usually we tend to accept a teaching only when it appeals to our senses... the inner sense, the common sense. and sufism appeals to the boyfriend.

it is blasphemous to doubt God, likewise to claim the religion a farce. no one will accept that. i know i don't.

while i hope that my religion is THE ONE, i do not go around convincing people that it is. neither do i reject others of other faiths for the Holy Book do state never to ridicule and to respect others. and only God knows how much i pray for my friends who are of best intentions and pure hearts, of whom are not Muslims! if say, Islam is the one true religion, does it mean Mother Teresa will not be granted her eternal peace - the lovely Heaven? I don't think so. even if u do ur daily prayers without fail, but if u don't do it wholeheartedly, they don't count. if u pray, pay alms, do the pilgrimage etc etc... but u desert your parents... what good does your religious patronage do? get the drift?

anyway, back to the boyfriend...
he said that sufism makes sense.. and so i said, yes. of cos it makes sense because it is written simply and appeals to us.. the common layman. what is common sense to us, may not be to others (esp seen in the workplace, but i digress). and sufism, just like buddhism, is a way of life.. just like ghandi-sm. "the purpose of life is to live rightly, think rightly .. .. ..."

the book says there is no heaven or hell, for there is no geographical/scientific evidence of them. well, for one thing, heaven and hell, will materialise when life ended. armageddon. when the dead rises from their grave and their life doings are put on the weighing scale and judged. Judgement Day.

well, if u are one who has done good, and only good, and sincerely repented on the bads, what's there to worry? but for the complacent us, of cos... Judgement Day.. *shudder*

none of us know the truth, for none of us has experienced it. this includes the religious leaders. but whether heaven/hell (will) truly exist, is not for us to comment but i believe that why all faiths, teachings, religion etc used the heaven/hell analogy is to hope that it will ward off evil and encourage peace. all of us aim to be in heaven and so we set on to do good, with the hope that we will get to heaven. basically, good must prevail. (good + good = heaven / good- evil = heaven --> am sure some algebra freak will come up with more but u get the idea, rite?)

it's something like what the old folks would say... don't bathe at night or some ghoul wll haunt you, don't open the umbrella in the house or snakes will appear... don't walk after dark if you are carrying your child.. etc etc etc... ridiculous? yes. but all these are to prevent anything bad from happening to us, a precaution... u either follow or just be careful.

it's just a matter of choice.. what we want to believe in. what we think is right. but just use more common sense + pinches of salt to the teaching/doctrine and cause no harm to self and others... and i think we shld be fine.

and never judge. we are just one of billions. if u think u are good, there are better. if u think u are smart, there are smarter. just be who u are. be at peace and peace will exist.

sick me

feeling terrible..sniffling, coughing (till ribs hurt! ouch!) and now the fever has paid a visit. another day's mc... feel terrible la.. only 3 weeks at new wrk place and 2nd time taking mc.. bad bad!

i suspect this muz be from the overdose of peanuts and orange crush (carbonated, of cos!) from HM's wedding... blame the auntie for her superb task-oriented mind that nite.. kept topping up our glasses even when it's not even half-drunk....

so anyway, despite the cold... had to accompany the boyfriend to his family day @ tanjong beach.. and of cos had to bring the kids along la.. not married, but seemed married.. ugh!!! luckily they were well-behaved. and of cos, amie enjoyed himself playing with the sand and all! and me and hadi just sat,me sick wat... and enjoyed the breeze and marks&spencer choc chip ccookies (which luckily i brought along for no sign of food there!!)

missed the outing with the gals on friday, despite me taking half-day off just for that... blame the cold, gals! and will see u this weekend! sorry to have missed out on the fun! the pics look so much fuN!! aargH!!!

ok.. off to dreamland for i think i overdosed on the drowsy cough mixture.

is there more than one love?

i've always thot abt this... the idea of having more than one love. cos i believe situations put you different circumstances and chance meetings...and with every situation, it brings you to a different place, a different cause hence a varied effect.
now in sg, i've been fortunate to have loved and been loved and the person that i will be sharing my life with will be my final love.

anyway, how are we to know that he/she is THE ONE? how? when the heart beats faster each time we see his/her face? when all we can think abt is him/her? when time stood still when you are together? yada yada yada.. so how?

am not a fan of hindi movies but i tell you, watever i thot, is nicely done up in the hindi blockbuster kabhi alvida naa kehna (KANK).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9783mBumg04
how 2 people, who are married, but through their failing marriage, found each other and finally really fell in love. ok.. i don't quite condone the affair that happened in between, for it's always a choice. if married, stay married. act married.
but amitabh's character said this (after he found out his daughter-in-law is not in love with his son): "leave him for if you do not (love him), cos you are keeping him from his true love". i agree.
love & marriage are mutually exclusive. without love, marriage is nothing but just a signed agreement. an agreement that can be sent to the shredder. but without marriage, love does not quite reach its climax.
ok anyway, in the end, both parties separated from their spouses of whom had moved on well... and the 2 (Shah Rukh and Rani) ended up together, after the whole drama in between (hindi movies man... wat do you expect?), in the end... because they are meant to be together.
but the ending line is something to ponder on... they wished the love hadn't been paved by broken relationships and hearts.

on the bright side, those devastated by their lost love, must brace up and be positive... if a more loving and lasting remarriage can happen, what are you waiting for? Open up your heart today!

p/s: just be sure it is not a rebound love... take your time. and don't compromise. make love wif your spouse, and not sex. for sex, you can do with just abt anyone!

the cutie in the train... MIA for so long...

the other day i had a conversation with the boyfriend which digressed to the train system to the cute mrt guy. who is this cute mrt guy? oh my! let me indulge u.


this cute mrt guy *swoon* (pix taken using my mobile cam)... used to board one station after me at roughly the same time (8.15-8.25am) and in a working week, i wld at least get to see him twice.. the apple of my eye, the reason why i take the train... he is super cute!

i assume he is a model, for he is tall and very fashionable (though my sis, Lisa, begs to differ)... though he is quite smartly dressed every morning (sometime with backpack, sometimes not). anyway, sis lisa said he drops at Raffles Place... hmmm.. banker?

anyway, sometime later, got new colleague who'd board with me at my station and she noticed him (of cos, i must point out to her) and we kept guessing his name, and what he does (sis lisa said he cld be "samad" and a sales assistant.. which i said, ok.. cld be sales at Raoul.. u see I am adamant in portraying him as kewl).

ok... so i may sound quite a freak here but i am no stalker. but can i just repeat that he is super cute!

ok ok... back to the story, so time passes by and i see less and less of him... i thot he mite have some overseas assignment (yes, i still think he is a model) or something glam (of cos sis lisa said he might have been convicted for something.. forever the wet-blankie).. and now, i see none of him.

btw, found out he is a model and has a cute name (shawn d). and how i found out? hmmm... fate is fate. even if i can't meet him in person, i see him in print also can lah!
ok.. it happened this way: one day sis nora rented a van to get stuffs for sis lisa's wedding... and in the van there is this pile of newspaper (looks unread) dated sometime in 2005. on any other day, i wld just discard it as it is super dated but on that day, i decided to read the paper. anyway i flipped and skimped through the Urban section. And lo and behold! he is there! a spread of him!! modelling! (and it proves again that I AM RIGHT). is this fate or wat? @ least i got to noe his name! and his agency! and yes, me being me, i brought the papers to wrk and showed vic and meen proudly and called the agency up on the pretext of being a potential client. well, he is still a model with them! hahaha!!

btw, this happened months back this yr but i just remember it so well... a crush is a crush. i am afterall, a gal. haha!

p/s: doubt the boyfriend is pleased to see a post dedicated to the cute mrt guy. but i must get it out of my chest and onto print.
and cute mrt guy... where are you? pls make my morning again... like u used to do.

smell

ystdy's attempt at stepblitz (a class using the step reebok thingy) was near-nothing. am not only super uncoordinated, was in a another world! i wonder how many lessons those ladies went to be in such auto mode... side step, double, mambo, L-step etc... super confusing!

left the class halfway as i cannot stand just marching on the spot (to get the heart rate going) while everyone else move in beat.. perfect synchronized beat. so did 25mins of cycling and some weights while waiting for fengyi to finish the new body class.

anyway, after done with all that and perspiring quite heavily, went to the shower. the moment i lift my hands up, boy! caught a whiff of my own (pits) smell... whooooa! really need a deodorant.

and this morning, in the train, super stoned... someone had to pass off gas. i went into the "stay calm and do not breathe" mode... (i knew i cld be a champion swimmer/diver, if only i noe how to swim). once the smell passed (thank god the stations were quite close, so the opening and closing of the doors help to whisk the bad smell away.

ok... then, when i thought it's over... another unpleasant smell lingered... i suspected it was the old lady beside me but then again, she was quite well-groomed, with make-up and all.. can't be can't be... then the lady left and another auntie took her seat. but the smell persists.

then, something in me said not to think it's others... but.. COULD IT BE ME? and yes.. it is me. not my body odour (hell no!!!!) it's the boyfriend's bag!!!!! ugh!! how cld i have forgotten to smell it and wash it when he lent it to me! ugh!! super stinko! and my precious biker-chic jacket is in there! so i quickly got out at my stop, removed the jacket and slung it over my hand and sought for the sun! the heat shld sterilise the jacket and the bag rite? ugh!!

the moment i reached office, i grabbed my miniature marc jacobs perfume (thanks sharon!) and splashed it on my jacket and onto the bag. but u noe la.. the stinko, male kind of smell that is so fetid, the kind that you cannot mask even with a bottle of cologne... aargh!

so while i am enveloped by marc jacobs now, underneath my table sits the foul bag... and my deepest regret of totting it to wrk... shall grab bacteria-killing antiseptic wash to soak the bag in.

eewww!

relationships

one can nvr fathom the workings of a relationship... wen @ it's peak, we say it's the honeymoon period... dat cupid is with us... but wen it is @ its lowest , it is super low.
bonded with a colleague of mine who brought me to dwell on this.. (read his rather-depressing blog)
wen u have been in a relationship that was so wondrous, that it makes the world just fall into place and suddenly it went kaput... that is a torture. well, i shld noe.
but like eunice kindly braved me up with her kind words (God gave you heartbreak so that you know that you are capable of loving someone... and whilst that love went unappreciated, know that it wasn't your loss, for you still have some more love to give...) that kept me going.
teri hatcher said on the oprah show that her love life is completely upside down... i can so relate to her... but mine has found its balance now, but i tell you, it wasn't so a yr before.
briefly dated a guy totally beyond me (boy! what was i thinking then)... so against all odds. but anyway, it ended quite swiftly.
went out with another, who is by far, the cutest guy i've ever dated... with his idiosyncracies that cracked me up always, and the little things we share, that only we noe... closer and paulo coelho anyway, that ended quite mysteriously... but we both realised that while the relationship has faded, the frenship remains. he is one of those i trust now... although everyone else says not to. consider me a fool, but i go by instinct. but he is cute. by my definition (or at least vic agrees with me). it's just too bad.
so anyway, while we go through our lives, we realise we cannot be pals with loneliness, hence all the rebound relationships and sex... although temporary, they give us few minutes/hours/days of companionship.
but then, despite all that, we find ourselves caught up in our own time, usually in the middle of the night, alone in bed, thinking of that one person... and the possible what-ifs...
i did my share of thinking... of heartbreaking thots... if the past is anything to go by, i never want to do the what-if thinking anymore... for it only brings tears.
will this current one end in bliss? well, i hope so *cross fingers*... but even if it did not,@ least this time round, i've got someone who thinks i am the world. and for that, i am blessed. loving someone and having that person love u more.. that is priceless.

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

Music Code provided by Song2Play.Com

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13

the weekend

so i've received the replacement cards... UOB and POSB are good! super prompt!
but now gotta do the leceh thing of re-activating them...
btw the boyfriend came by last nite... got the car back (his bro borrowed over the weekend) and we took a drive down... supposed to go for gelato @ sixth ave (despite the downpour) but ended up @ king albert park's McD. and brought cute fahmie along.. he was oh-so-chatty! ( i suspect the boyfriend misses my nephew more than me.. oh well... he is cuter!)

another thing abt fahmie.. he is so witty! the other nite, his lil bro (who has a habit of biting things, ppl) bit him at his thigh.. and he came up with this line " adik! adik ingat abg nyer kaki ni nasi ker!" ( literal translation: lil bro, do u think my leg is rice, that u can bite?)

oh yah! i signed up for amore with ijah on sat... and went for 2 classes ystdy afternoon! the kickboxing class sure got rid of pent-up emotions... the undercut, elbow, and kicking... whoa!!!!
going again later today after wrk for some wrk on my butt. woohoooO!!!

@ndi, this cutie i noe... just said that i am kaypoh... well... i am not! me just super into things... anyway, he was whining abt how old he is (i tell u la.. he is not! such a virile man.. @ his peak actually... well, i shld noe! haha!) and how he muz be in bed by 10pm otherwise any later, he is gone. so i asked... u aren't much fun anymore in bed then... worse than an aged man in his 60s(an assumption k.. not that i noe for real... my my!) then he said... "oh! that is a different matter altogether!" men and sex. hmmm... the 3-letter word just gives them instant perks. and i mean P-E-R-K. and this, i must "research" on more... hahhahahahahahahahah!!

in need of luck

i told ya i lost my wallet on tues rite? today... i dropped my staff id pass and replacement costs $35! as if i am not broke enuf lor!!!

worse, i brought a huge bag.. and the pass is not big lor.. it's the same size as ez-link card.. dunno how it can drop.

i think this gap bag is bad la.. very suay... the last time i used it, i lost my precious phone.. today, lost my staff pass. very very suay.

so tell me, is my luck gg to change? cos it better change super soon before i go mad!!!!! i need all the horseshoes, the 4-leaf clover.. the works!!!

eating the humble pie

tummy don't quite feel alrite lately... keep getting diarrhoea... ribs hurt, back aching... ugh!!!

must be from the many humble pies i ate.. not pieces of humble pies.. but whole humble pies *burp*

one - instead of sister apologising to me, for the hurtful remarks, albeit meant to be a harmless joke, i sms her first.

two - that she nvr replied the message. fine! isn't the elder one supposed to be wiser and take care of the younger one?

three - shared the 3rd pie with the boyfriend. despite the hurtful remarks, and how utterly shameless my siblings are, after the filling and wonderful meal @ Fish&Co which the boyfriend kindly paid for, no thank-yous but got this instead. but we still remained calm and bear no grudges.

fourth - not quite eaten the pie yet actually... still in the oven. the boyfriend's mum said some stupid comments about me which is not only untrue, it was very hurt. not enuf ah she being insensitive to my very existence and feelings the other time, and this time arnd accuse me of making use of the boyfriend and being possessive of him and his possessions. the boyfriend asked me to give her a call and pacify her. first, i did no wrong. second, me quite prideful. but i will do it. not now. and i think it is going to be a burnt pie that i had to swallow.

21/2 pies + one still baking... calorie count rising. high calories, higher risk of heart attack... heart burning now... and having diarrhoea... not good pies. at least if it's the piping hot aussie pies good la... haha!

no more humble pies for me pse!!!!

if monday was bad, tuesday was worse

didn't write ystdy as i was down with diarrhoea... so bad that my ribs hurt. and i cannot laugh still...
to top it off, what was supposed to be a stay-home-and-recuperate day with the boyfriend turned out to be quite an eventful day instead... much to my dismay.
since he drives, i accompanied him to run his errands... send his handphone for repair (for the 2nd time... different hp model though but still! Sony Ericsson shld really improve its customer service counter and its handphones! there are so many ppl reporting faults! took us abt 1.5hrs for a 5min service lor!)
anyway, as if we are not bored enuf, the boyfriend had to misplace my purse. and it was just 5mins from the time we left the shop to the time when we realised he left it behind and kaput! the purse is gone! and the shop assistants weren't helpful... neither is the whole shopping centre! if i have thousands of dollars in there, i understand. if the purse is LV or Coach or something, i understand. but i've got only like $4 left... the thief cannot even access the atm and credit cards also wat! or maybe the lao-kok-kok purse and the rare $1 brunei note (which i have been keeping with the hope i will nvr be broke.. but alas!) is a must-have for the thief.
it's gonna take me my lunch hr today to replace my atm cards (from 2 banks!!!! ugh!) and another day to ICA to replace my IC! $100 gone for the pink card! ugh!!! some more must take nice nice picture... luckily the bank will be mailing the credit cards... but i need to shop! ugh!!
so the guilty boyfriend said that i can get the longchamp purse i've always wanted to appease me... (cos i said, looking on the bright side, i will have a new IC with a better photo, and a new purse!)... maybe i'll get the kate spade one instead... and make him pay for it.
nonetheless, i miss my lao-kok-kok purse and its contents. but i am resigned to it.

and as if the day wasn't bad enough, the mother of the boyfriend had to spout some cutting nonsense abt me. can everyone just leave us alone!?! can't she understand that the love he has for her, is not the same love he has for me? and pls... we were together way before he has the car (and i get free rides on the train and bus leh... so do i care?) and does she think he can survive all on his own? what with her asking for half his pay (cos she don't want to ask more from the other 2 older bros), the incessant miscellanous requests to buy food, her medical expenses etc etc... so the clothes he has on his back, the food, the petrol etc.. things for him... who will bother about? ME!

so i will give her the airtime and let her carry on with her crap cos it's better i grit my teeth than hurt the boyfriend. cos he is hurt by her enuf. wen i grumbled, i realised that he is the one who is torn. and it is not gd to do that someone. karma.

ppl can say wat they want to say but i cannot afford to lose the boyfriend again... been together, broke up for more than a yr and now, this is it.

the thot of breaking up, is heart-wrenching... for he is my partner, my best fren. i doubt anyone will love me as much as him, and care for me like he does... and i will be all alone... i mite end up like berta (the character in the devil & ms prym - paulo coelho) she misses her dead husband so much that she tries to hard to be with him in spirit... cooping up in her house for years, until her dead husband appears in spirit... she cannot see him, but at least she feels him and they have conversations... i don't want to end up like that. misery is bad. i need to be alive and smile and he is the reason why i am able to smile ( besides my wonderful gfs la... i need a man leh!)

but i foresee there will be more trouble to come. me and the boyfriend actually thot of scenarios of how the future will get better but no matter how much we wreck our brains, we realised things will only be as bad or worse. so we made a pact... that we will remind each other how dedicated we are to make this work and that the love we have shld be strong enuf to withstand the crap.

can somebody up there be on my side and let me get through this with blessings? Or if this is not meant to work, give me a sign! And bless me with patience so that hopefully, i will get through this w/o going crazy.

bluesy, depressing monday...

went to wrk after fighting all demons to skip wrk today. went through boring orientation... still feel lost despite it. quite lame la.
had a bad weekend... or actually bad sunday cos my sat was great!! will not talk abt wat happened ystdy or i will be in tears again... just wanna give a shout-out to the boyfriend, who is not only the sweetest and the best boyfriend, he has been my best fren... for the past 3 yrs (going on to 4! even wen we weren't together, he's just a phone call away) watever is the opinion of others, i can either choose to live miserably or be myself, lead my own life... and i say my thanks and praise to God for blessing me with the bestest mom as well! she is unpredictable, and am still learning abt her but this time round, she is on my side... surprised? yes. very much. and i feel very lucky. so God, please bless her life for i cannot ask for a better mom. *tears flowing* i hope all will be fine and that the choice of boyfriend (and lifetime partner) is blessed by all...

anyway, on a lighter note... saturday... had a BLAST!!
ijah's bored cos she is on her skul break, and rad has been wrking 10-hr shifts while fengyi is on her long mc... and me, i so needed the outing.. to be away from hme and babysitting...
so the 4 of us... w/o any specific plans.. head down to boat quay (brought them to THE ROXY)... it is a super chill bar/club but we were there early and so no one else arnd but us... wasted $$ on the food (though they were good finger food la... yummy!) shld have gone for the kaya toast that Rad's been craving for...

then ijah wanted to hear some live band... so we headed to 1nitestand... kewl! the band is great! but we managed to catch jive talking at their showcase in the courtyard.. they gonna perform @ the yet-to-be-opened The Pump Room. we will head there b4 Rad leaves for London... confirm!

friday friday.. finally!

went to vivocity ystdy but met ijah and rad (together with cute Faez) instead... it's my first time shopping and walking arnd (been there before when it hasn't officially opened)... the place is huge! but it's cool la! and one will surely go broke there man! imagine... a gal's paradise... with Trucco, FCUK, Ted Baker, Topshop, Zara, MNG and the fabulous Pull & Bear... i can swipe till the card disappear man!

for tonight.. i am all pysched up! gonna have my long-awaited dinner @ Fish&Co with sisters, one of the husband, the boyfriend and 2 cute nephews... wait till we get MPV then my parents can join us. hahaha!! following that, we are going to catch the cartoon Flushed Away! hope it's good! will catch it at PS since the boyfriend has SAFRA card and got weekend tickets discount!

can't wait for 5.45pm so can switch off pc and head down to Dhoby Ghaut! plus, need some alone time with the boyfriend before family appears! haha!

see pics of outing here!

friday may be tomorrow but it seems so far away!

me sitting at my desk... at my new office... the sense of regret (of leaving old workplace) slowly creeping in... i knew that the change may not neccessarily be a gd move, but i was despearate for a change... can somebody give me something brainy to do, besides the usual, boring filing?

anyway, ystdy did not get my burnt caramel ice cream/gelato... *sad* but I had hawker fare at marine parade (& at the same time, day dreamed abt staying there.. such a cool neighbourhood)...

went to parkway parade with the intention of shopping but the boyfriend got something instead. it's okay... will burn his pocket tmrw! (actually i did get something la... rushed to robinsons to get this biker chic-looking jacket... so pretty!! and i had just 15mins to get it b4 the boyfriend reaches the taxi stand and started to jam the area.. and the salesgirl was so slow in getting a new piece for me! and i managed to grab something for the boyfriend too! all in 20mins! hehe! yes yes! i made him wait.. but just 5mins wat.. not a big deal.. *winkz*)

went to the basement and got whiff of durian... the super rich kind of smell... and i thot its some durian filling onto crepe or wafer kind (the kind from emicakes/angie's) but no! it's durian ice-cream in the making! nvr knew scoopz make their own flavours at the outlet itself! so i got myself a scoop and had a wild journey to the durian plantation in an instant! so overwhelmed! felt so sinful!

but after 10 spoonfuls, got quite sick cos it is so full-flavoured, it soon got rather cloying! so the boyfriend had the honour of finishing it but hehe! he too weak la! cannot handle. so we threw away the remainder and walked off... out of pp. and to the carpark.. hand in hand. breath stinking. eeew! can't wait to get hold of mint!

and back to today... time crawls when you are bored.. and i am seriously bored! can't wait to meet meen & vic for dinner... do i have to reserve a seat at out of the pan? no rite? ugh!

craving for something sweet, something cold

the bittersweet, lingering taste of burnt caramel is at the tip of my tongue now... will head to Island Creamery later to satisfy this craving of mine... heard they opened one at Great World! yummy yummy!
wonder if the boyfriend will want to drive me there... shall sweettalk him.. haha!

Touch your heart... and you know I love you

That was what I told my (favourite) nephew last nite...

I always get teary and soppy when I hug him... I dunno... I guess am quite fearful of the day when I will not get to see his chubby face...

It's just so amazing how one tiny person on 1 July 2003 can just set my maternal instincts on auto pilot... they just kick in like nobody's business! I bathe him, fed him, cleaned him and now moving on to educating him... imagine if one day I have my own!

Anyway, this god-given gift... has taught me to be more patient and kind, more tolerant and chill-out... and I thank my sister and bro-in-law for him...

maiden post

shld start writing instead of talking to myself... going bonkers at 25 is not a very gd sign...

read Trisha's blog today and decided to do this as well... super spurred on... haha!

1. One book you have read more than once
-Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
Ok..ok.. so this was a school text I had to read for the A levels but my dad had actually bought it for me when I was still in primary school.. so imagine the number of times I actually read it! But this book is good... You have to admit it.. all the drama, the love for an older, married man, the mad (ex-) wife... classic script for soap drama!

2. One book you would want on a desert island
The Quran is not exactly a book... and I must be all clean to read it which is quite impossible when I'm out of fresh, clean water and sanitary...
so the book... hmmm.. let me see... wld be a How-To book... probably.. How To Make Fire, Hunt For Food, Build A Shelter... a 3-in-1 version...

3. One book that made you laugh
-Bridget Jones' Diary
I only read this after I saw bits of the movie and I thought it was hilarious!

4. One book that made you cry
-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hoseini
This book is fantastic! Best book I have read by far! Just how the story unfolds and how the child is finally emancipated... I am against paedophile through and through... coupled with the nastiness of the Taliban regime, this book really tugs at my heartstrings. It is so good and am so moved by it that i refuse to read it again, fear that I will break down again.

5. One book you wish you had written
-He's Not That Into You
Why? Cos after reading this book, I realised I had experienced (almost) all the jerk lines from the jerks! I have the experience (and expertise) and yet I remain naive! Got this book only to use it to slap myself (a number of times.. ouch!)... Foolish me!

6. One book you wish had never been written
-Night by Elie Wiesel
I wish the whole Holocaust didn't even happen so that Night and other books of the same genre/topic won't even surface! The atrocities of war, of ethnic cleansing... intolerable and shameful!

7. One book you are currently reading
-You Can Never Win a Fight With Your Boss
ok.. i really need to know how to get arnd.. esp after moving away from my comfort zone and going into a new workplace, with new ppl and new boss (though she looks and speaks better than my previous one!)
Useful tips to get by wrk and be looked upon positively! *cross fingers*

8. One book you have been meaning to read
(or trying to finish reading)
-East of Eden (John Steinback)
this book.. super thick, super descriptive... but great stimulant for the brains... and also, ironically, the reason why i never get round to finishing it.. haha!

9. One book that changed your life
-Eleven minutes (Paulo Coelho)
I have nothing in common with the protagonist but this book... great.

Fill up your own version of this meme and share so that I can also get hold of the books which you have enjoyed!