where have all the fireworks gone?

ending 2006 wasn't done with a bang. in fact, i did nothing at all, except being in front of the telly with my chubby nephew (though we caught a glimpse of the fireworks from my bedroom window).

and welcoming 2007 was a dread. whilst everyone was anticipating a positive year, me on the other hand, am quite pessimistic. feeling quite down. a feeling i haven't been pally with for quite some time, andyet i think gloomy is the new chic. for me.

i told the (ex-) boyfriend that i resolute to be independent of him, and how numb i am... i did not mention that i will try to be less petty (how to? when i know i am not, and i have testaments from my frens that i'm not)... why do ppl come up with "love me, love my family" phrase? it's quite hard to undertake, to embrace especially when you don't quite adore the latter? can i just do it for him who "did not exactly break up with me", whom i think i am still in love with.

so can somebody tell me... do i just smile and grit my teeth throughout this whole thing when what i am actually feeling is incredible nothingness? i am utterly emotionless.

Oh God, can you show the (ex-) boyfriend his true love? I know you have a lot of other important and urgent things on your mind and to do, but can you spare just one second and grant me this wish? Cos i don't quite feel that i am his 'The One'. Or if we are meant to be together, pls give me that heartbeat, that tingly feeling, that warmth which i think i used to feel.

8 august 2008 is not very far from now. and we need a clue. Fast.